Good Morning

Good morning, 
 Last night I didn't make anything that great for dinner. Just sloppy Joe's and pasta with green beans. I ate a lot of the green beans, and not nearly enough of the rest like I usually do.
 I did make a butterfly shaped pound cake with chocolate chips and sprinkles for dessert. I had one tiny piece, there was no frosting on it, so it wasn't too bad.

 According to the scale I am 137lbs now. Its a start to the flush that I am doing. I feel better and less bloated which is good. I guess the main thing is that I am able to hurry the digestion process. Damn near every time I eat anything I feel guilty about it. Like there's someone out there judging me.  Years ago I had a boyfriend that thought that I was flabby when I weighed about 125lb. He was always picking on me any time that I ate anything. If he wasn't being a cheap ass about paying $1 for a burger, he was busy calling me fat for eating it. That was years ago and I guess I haven't let go of being judged.
 Right now my sweetie loves me the way I am. I'm just not satisfied with the way that I look right now.
Sometimes I just wish I could make my love for food, and wanting to eat it go away. I want to be pretty and skinny. I also wish that I wasn't so concerned with it, but I am.
 I wish that society didn't pound things like this into our heads the way that they do.
 Yesterday after I got home I had to go quite a few times, but no having to run as of yet. I also had to go this morning too.
 I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to do all of this around work, because I don't want to stink up the bathroom all the time, I have to share it with other people. I guess just in the later part of the day or something I'll take my pills, not eat until around then.
 This morning when I woke up there was nothing weird, no stomach aches or anything, so I think that I'm right on track.
 I didn't want to get out of bed though, it was just too cold. Sometimes I wish that things were easier and that I was a stay at home wife, or at least could work from home.
 I like starting work early because I get off of work earlier, but I don't like waking up hella early though. I've even started waking up earlier on the weekends because of it. I guess that's not such a bad thing when you look at it, but I still don't like doing it, because then I feel hella bored at 6 am on a Friday or Saturday morning. No one else is up.