Waiting...

 So I'm still waiting for my results. It's a bit nerve racking because I have absolutely no idea how to feel. Everyone I've talked to about this is like, don't worry it's nothing. Don't sit there and torture yourself. They're probably right, but lately the whats ifs are killing me.I certainly wont know anything until the doctor calls me back, and he said it can be a week to two weeks until I find out the results. I don't know how to feel. Ive been sad, angry, frustrated, depressed.
 I know that getting depressed over the unknown is kind of stupid, but this has really opened up my eyes about things. I should wear sunblock every day. I need to be a lot more cautious about things I never even thought about before. I watched my mom die from this. An old school mate just a year older then me died from it. Sure I know that the likelihood of me dying is probably pretty low. But I have to think about how I'm going to handle it if something happened.
 This wasn't just something that was from the sun either, it's a mole, one that has never seen the sun. Those are the worst ones.
 I think about fighting it, if it is cancer. Talking to the doctor about treatment, what my options are if it is that bad. How I'm going to deal. Sure maybe I shouldn't worry. I don't have a gut feeling, I kinda stopped listening to that a long time ago, it doesn't always help. Right now yes, it feels that something may be wrong, but I also think that I'm feeling that way because of fear itself.
 All the week before I had the biopsy I was worried about other things, and that was dragging me down, and driving me nuts, now this. The fact that the doctor found it and seemed very concerned is what seems to be concerning me the most right now.
 On Friday it will be one week. So I guess making it through the first week will be the hardest part. I told the girls at work, and a few good friends, my family knows about it too. I haven't told everyone, because I don't want them to know.
 There are also the two people that were harassing me that I don't want to find out about the testing, because I have the feeling that they will either make it their mission to drive me nuts. Whether it's because they are mad at me for not liking them and want to kick me while I'm down, or because they really want to be supportive, and will start showing up uninvited.
 I have the feeling that if my fiance's friend that was bothering me finds out he's really gonna start emailing, or sending things to me. I'm not looking forward to it, so hopefully he just wont say anything, results or not.
 All this waiting is driving me insane, I just don't know what to do about it at this point. I guess it's suffer in silence, because I have probably annoyed everyone around me enough already.
 Now is the time to try to distract myself so that I don't feel so fixated on this, it'll only make the waiting even harder. Wish me luck.

TTYL,
Little Miss Sunshine